So much emotion consumed the air that night as grief destroyed and scarfed our ruins, the will to sigh and breathe. The ticking of the clock finally ceased at twelve, and time paused for a single night, a moment taking its one lasting breath as we set aside reality. If the universe agreed and forgiving was quite simple, I would eternally live in his solitude and wait patiently for Death, for Death takes one or the other and then bodies are buried, limbs fading into warm sacred bones. But time would only let us relish our skins, and speak in each other's souls, and whisper within, dying in solemn eyes instead.
I can never speak of hatred into his lips, never release rage into his eyes, never once doubted the man that I knew him to be. Why, his eyes expressed a love I could never erase, and his tears elicited the pain of regret, a loss he could never gain back, a mistake learned from his own unnoticeable worth and internal scarred physique. Why, his eyes gazed into mine as if he embraced a small child in the wind, dying to love a being with pleading notions to see the truth upon these cries. Why, his lips were like feathers in the sky, and his touches were like waves in the sea, warm and soothing on my flesh, desiring and wanting and craving and thirsting and needing…needing to enjoy what he, what I, can no longer have. Such words were like stones, yet light weighted pebbles, and gentle kisses were like cries, yet deep fabricated scars, tasting what's been left to consume, fingers unlacing and traveling down the forbidden path, an opening into my entire soul. I moaned and I screamed and I listened to his gasps as he shook beneath my weight, whispering words of serenity while we bathed in sweat and heated skins, colliding our shattered bodies as one.
When the storm slams against my chest, I seek only his embrace. When the wind howls in the depths of my brain, I seek only his comfort. And I can care less about other men, men who now sniff out my solemn tide, who crawl into my space like a spider in a broken web, disregarding his departure. I can care less about the universe's intentions of keeping me sane, and the voices screaming from my inner circle, demanding to resist my itching temptations to speak and call his name.
If only he was here…if only he could see…if only time would forever cease…we could finally just be.