*Published in my college's newspaper/magazine
Constantine is constantly having to impress those around her, who admire her, desire her, breathe in her presence and savor her ways. Certain expectations must be met, standards must be achieved, and if there is even the slightest chance that she wouldn't be successful in doing what they desire, her freedom would be diminished, stripped, chained by the ends of her limbs and bounded by the voices screaming in her ears to do better, to be better.
But Constantine is the kind of girl who relishes grotesque landscapes and portraits, fantasizes a world where darkness is accepted, not chastised, and praises human connection untouched by societal norms, controlling how beings should act, instead of how they shouldn't. She defies all standards of beauty, walking undoubtedly with chipped shoulders, a disheveled back, and a crooked smile, speaking with meaning and thought, renouncing all those who only speak to manipulate the weak. She has the kindest heart, quiet yet determined, and aches to be released from every whisper that demands to be impressed by her, as if she needs their approval. Fortunately, she escaped these ties through the working hands of a man named Mr. Tobias, who is too kind to be disowned and neglected, who said the right words and done the right things to take her out of the hollow abyss of endless expectations.
Mr. Tobias is a beautiful young man who can easily seduce women by one look, seeing that his wit and charm is very much effective in getting to do what he wants. However, his purpose with Constantine is quite different, and his intentions are far from being selfless once her uniqueness caught his attention. So when he approached her during a night out at a charity event, he couldn't help but admire her insecurities and peculiar interests. So he didn't lie to her when he said she could have everything and do anything she wanted, because of course, he wanted her to be his…and only his.
So yes, Mr. Tobias does everything he could to win over Constantine, cherishing her desires, comforting her fears, ridding those expectations. He did what he had to do to have her, to own her, to claim her.
Constantine, however, falls for Mr. Tobias like all the other women, admiring his ability to eradicate her misery and demolish all the standards others have instilled into her being. But why does she feel as if her love is not enough? Why does his eyes begin to wander in other directions other than her own? Why does he briefly touch another woman's back while chatting business among friends, and continuously sneaking off into other rooms during auction events and social parties?
He would always say to her that she is his and only his, but is he not hers? Why does she suddenly feel worthless and used like an old forgotten rug thrown in the corners of an abandoned basement? Why does she suddenly feel trapped, imprisoned, unable to breathe as she now has this unfortunate urge to try to impress him with her peculiarity? Isn't she enough? Isn't she worth anything to him? This is what men do, isn't it, treating women as if they are trophies, prizes to be won, bodies to be presented and displayed as if men can get any kind of women they want, whether she's beautiful or not.
You see, Constantine isn't stupid and now understands her place in Mr. Tobias's world. And the darkness she fully accepts and admires, her appreciation for grotesque things, is not just a fascination. Constantine has a darkness in her that Mr. Tobias isn’t quite aware of, clueless to the fact that she herself thought about his own death. It doesn't take her long to figure out he's been sleeping with other women, that someone else has been sleeping in their bed when she was away.
Sometimes, it takes love to release a darkness you didn't know you consumed. Sometimes, it takes a man to realize you don't need to impress them to be respected.
Constantine now smiles at Mr. Tobias across the dinner table, sipping her red wine and devouring fresh fruits and veggies from the market. He speaks about his business meetings with fake displease, knowing his meetings are really continuous infidelity sessions with various secretaries she knows he enjoys. She begins to watch the way he swallows his drink, chews his red meat, and takes a breath after each pause. His crass and overall presence becomes too much for Constantine to handle, finding her hands curled up into fists, nails biting into her skin.
It is then that she realizes, today will be his last.